Step 1: Check your phone.
Step 2: Make a dramatic Taylor Swift "shock" face. Step 3: Tell him you forgot to leave the patio door open and you've just got to get home to let your dog out. Step 4: Quick! Block his number. 2. When you have unexpected company and your house is a mess.
Step 1: Bare a grin and graciously welcome your guests into your humble abode.
Step 2: Distract you guests by asking them to take their shoes off.
Step 3: Shockingly exclaim, "Oh gosh, it looks like my dog literally JUST had a frap moment and scattered their toys everywhere in the flurry! Please excuse the mess - this is just so unlike us!"
Step 4: Secretly grin to yourself at your swiftness in saving your own butt.
3. When you wave to someone and it turns out it’s someone you don’t know.
Step 1: Continue waving and look down at your pup.
Step 2: Quickly whisper a command to your dog under your breath.
Step 3: Loudly praise your dog for whatever behavior he does. Wave, jump, lay down, doesn't matter. Just say "GOOD BOY! Oh what a good boy!"
Step 4: Walk along as if nothing happened.
4. When your stomach gurgles in a silent room.
Step 1: Look around and see if anybody noticed.
Step 2: If anyone looks at you, quickly let out a chuckle.
Step 3: Casually say, "Oh dear, I must have forgotten to feed Buster again. Silly me!"
Step 4: Head to the kitchen and pretend to feed your dog.
5. Getting hit on while you’re waiting for your Uber, bus, taxi, etc.
Step 1: Pat your dog on the head.
Step 2: Look at your watch.
Step 3: End the awkward conversation by saying, "Oh gosh, look at the time! We've taken too long of a walk break now. Gotta keep the heart rate up. Let's go!"
Step 4: Proceed to quickly walk your dog away from the creepy man.
6. Accidentally having toilet paper stuck on the bottom of your shoe.
Step 1: Quickly ensure the toilet paper you have stuck on you is clean.
Step 2: Delightedly exclaim, “Oh that darn puppy! Rolling our CLEAN toilet paper around like it’s a toy or something. Now I’ve got some stuck to me from cleaning it all up.”
Step 3: Get rid of the toilet paper faster than a dog could devour a hot dog.
7. Being caught playing hooky by your boss.
Step 1: Whatever you do, act normal.
Step 2: Greet your boss and let him know your dog caught the cold too (that’s scientifically possible…right?)
Step 3: Bow out of the conversation by saying you’re just on your way to bring your dog to the vet... in this shopping cart... at the store.
Step 4: Scurry away while letting out a cough and a sneeze.
8. When you get invited to something you don’t want to go to at all.
Step 1: Thank the gracious host for inviting you.
Step 2: Check your calendar on your phone or in your planner with an excited smile on your face.
Step 3: Wipe that smile off your face and exclaim, “OHHH NO....SO sorry, I have to attend a doggy birthday party that day... maybe next time?"
Step 4: Delight in the glory that you no longer have to attend the event.
9. Tripping down the stairs, on the stairs, or just plain on the sidewalk…
Step 1: Quickly get up with grace.
Step 2: Exclaim that your dog just happened to get trapped between your feet.
Step 3: Pat your dog to make sure they are not hurt from "getting trapped between your feet."
Step 4: Move along.
10. Squeezing yourself into a crowded elevator.
Step 1: Look around to see if anyone is giving you a mean look.
Step 2: Simply respond to those mean glares by saying, “My dog has a bad back and can’t take the stairs. Thanks for understanding.”
Step 3: Wait for the resounding AWW’s. Your dog may even receive a pat on the head.
11. When you burst out in laughter and no one else is amused.
Step 1: Wrap up your lone laughter.
Step 2: If anyone looks at you, just say your dog did something hilarious.
Step 3: Share a fun fact about your dog to redirect people's attention.
Step 4: Allow said people to pet your dog and all will be forgotten.
12. Finally, bodily odors. Just ew.
Only one simple step needed: Say,“It was the dog.”
