“Ballad To A Wigged Dog” Is The Acid Flashback You’ve Always Wanted

Welcome to Bark After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly unusual articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you weirdos night owls. Not for the faint of heart, weak of stomach, or low of humor. Enjoy!

Upon viewing this video, I had to ask myself if it was possible that I was a.) on one of the most kid-friendly acid trips ever; b.) going on 500 hours of no sleep; c.) a lesbian dog …again.

I’m thoroughly disappointed to report that none of these are true, so let’s move our attention to the only thing that really matters in the world: this. fricking. song.

I love a red haired dog
I love a blond haired dog
A salacious barking brunette

It’s all this lethargic, pie-eyed piper can muster, and yet, it’s everything,

Where do we start? The ladies. Let’s start with these wagnificent ladies. I want to be in their squad, knowing full well I’d be the DUFF. They just look so chill, and like, down for anything, including setting their wigs on fire at 0:34,. But hey, us girls will burn anything to advance Bitches’ Rights, right?

I am slightly concerned about our ginger’s pill problem, but every legit group needs the allure of a potential overdose, so keep ’em poppin’, Raggedy Ann.
red headed dog

Moving on, not sure our girl Goldilocks is doing much for the phrase “blondes have more fun,” but as a fair-haired female who’s a consistent 5 on the fun scale, maybe it’s time to change it to something like “blondes have just as much lower back pain as everybody else”…or something.
blond haired dog

And finally, we have our “salacious barking brunette.” What. A. Skank. Love this bitch.
salacious barking brunette

It was only a matter of time before these three vixens landed themselves in a psychedelic, sexually-charged music video produced by the same guy who brought the world “Turds.”

Dr. Katy Nelson

6 years ago