Your Weekly Dingus: Meet Wheeler, The Weimaraner Who Is Afraid Of His Own Poop

Written by: Katie Haller

January 21, 2016

I am obsessed with Weimaraners. I think it’s because this particular breed can either be incredibly dapper, or incredible derpy. There is no in between. Alright Wheeler, show us your dingus.

1. He has one of the defining characteristics: awkwardly long limbs that he doesn’t know what to do with.

Stretched out dingus.

Compact Dingus.

2. One of the symptoms of not knowing what to do with your limbs is the inability to decide how and where to sit.

Here he is weighing the pros and cons of committing to this chair.
3. And when they do make a decision, it often begs the question, “How is this comfortable?”

Here he is going halfsies on an ottoman, despite the fact that a gigantic empty couch is available to him as an option should he decide to use logic.
His mom told us:

“Wheeler props his body half way on the ottoman, leaves his back half on the floor, and proceeds to flip his back paw pads facing the ceiling. He sits like this for hours, even though it is incredible uncomfortable looking.”


4. Now let’s talk about sleeping. The true test of a dingus is not how they derp when they are awake, but how they derp when they aren’t even conscious.

Wheeler being the giant baby that he is insists on sleeping in between his pawrents and ON his moms pillow. Often horizontally.
When it comes to sleeping, personal space is just not a thing.
He frequently wakes himself up with his own farts. Like a dingus. Can you imagine having a dream where a terrible noise comes out of your butt, and then you inhale and YOU’RE IN YOUR OWN FART CLOUD.

5. When he hears a siren he likes to pretend he’s a fire truck, and then he gets embarrassed when he realizes you’re watching.

“How long have you been standing there?”

6. He has a very elaborate treat ritual.

Obviously he doesn’t just scarf down treats like a normal dog. He treats his treats like a dingus.

“Anytime Wheeler gets a treat, he will frantically pace around the house with it in his mouth – whining, drooling and his eyes get so big they are about to pop out of his head. He does this for about 20 minutes until he finds the perfect place to hide it (in my dirty clothes, inside shoes, couch cushions, in my bed). He then goes back several days to retrieve it later – much like a squirrel.”

7. Now let’s talk about social skills. And by social skills I mean his ability to avoid interaction at all costs.

When mom tells you she arranged a playdate & you’re not mentally prepared.

“Wheeler is incredibly awkward when meeting other dogs. He frequently tries to climb up my back as if i am going to make him invisible.”

8. In addition to socializing, he has some other strange fears as well.

Like the floor AC/heating vents. Here he is barking for help when his bone ends up on a vent.

He is also terrified of any small animal such as cats, ducks, frogs, or anything else that is alive and smaller than him. That’s why he strictly sticks to stuffed duck hunting.

And this one takes the cake. THIS DINGUS IS AFRAID OF POOP. I REPEAT. THIS DOG IS AFRAID OF POOP. The universal thing that fascinates every dog…is this dog’s biggest nightmare.

“Wheeler also refuses to go within a 4 foot radius of anywhere he has previously made a #2. He acts appalled if he accidentally stumbles upon one and immediately wrinkles up his nose and cautiously backs away.”

Look I get it. I’ve walked into a public bathroom stall and saw a turd I wish I could unsee. Coming across a mystery turd when you aren’t mentally prepared for it can be a very unsettling experience. But how can you be afraid of your OWN? The dingus is such a fascinating species.

9. He also has a sensual side to him. Despite the fact that he is a certified derp, he does have some moments where he’s about to break into a 90’s R&B song.

“I’ll make ruv to you, like you want me to, and I’ll hold you tight, baby all through the-IS SOMEONE FILMING ME AGAIN? DAMNIT. CAN’T A DINGUS GET A LITTLE PRIVACY?!”

10. And lastly, he sits like this, a lot.

Like, very regularly.

And then acts surprised when you catch him doing it.

And we’ll just leave you with one final derp:

Ok one more.

Ok seriously last one.

If you think your dog can out-dingus Wheeler, submit your dingus here

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Written by: Katie Haller

January 21, 2016

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