13 Ridiculous “Monsters” Dogs Would Cast In A Horror Film

Everyone has their own fears. Some are more rational than others. Personally, I am terrified of pigeons. And bugs. OK, so pretty much anything with wings. Also, rejection. Sorry, too real? My point is, who am I to judge a dog that's scared of a can of Coke Zero? So in light of Howl-oween, here are some pawtential antagonists you might find in a horror movie, if dogs were the producers. 1. A PLASTIC BAG First of all this is a teenie weenie dog, and to shorties like us (I'm 4'11 so I include myself), EVERYTHING is terrifying. This bag is flying on its own. It's basically a ghost. A BAG OF GHOSTS. There it is. That's the title. dogfearlake-lowres 2. BALLOONS When I see balloons I think, "Oh no. There's going to be a party." This is terrifying for any introvert (dog or hooman). Also, I can't even imagine how loud a balloon popping is for a dog. So yes, a movie full of balloons is a scary movie indeed. dogfearballoon-lowres

3. TOY CARS Um, AGAIN, this is an inanimate object moving ON ITS OWN. Don't even act like Ghost Car would not sell out in theaters. dogfearscar-lowres [bp_related_article] 4. THE VACUUM CLEANER AKA the TERROR MACHINE. Pawhaps dogs aren't as scared of the actual vacuum cleaner itself as they are of what's inside of it. A scary movie starring a GIANT DUST BUNNY? I'd see that. dogfearvacuum2-lowres 5. WINNIE THE POOH Hear me out. Sure, Winnie might be a bear who loves honey and hates pants, but the bottom line is, he's still a BEAR. And last time I checked bears=terrifying. dogfearpooh-lowres 7. A GARDEN HOSE Sure, it might look like an innocent garden hose at first glance. dogfearhose-lowres BUT it could also be a very, very skinny version of Anaconda. You know what's scarier than an anacodona? An anaconda on a JUICE FAST. dogfearsanaconda 8. A CAN OF COKE ZERO Coke Zero could totally be a horror movie about chemical weapons. LOOK OUT, IT'S ASPERTAME!!! dogfearscoke-lowres 9. A CELL PHONE OK, honestly, it's 2015. I won't even act like this is not my exact reaction when my phone rings. So yes, a movie in which all of the characters are constantly getting phone calls WITHOUT WARNING TEXTS could totally be in the horror genre. dogfearphone-lowres 10. A BATHROOM DINOSAUR How would you like this to walk in on you when you're trying to take a poo in peace? dogfeardinosaur-lowres 11. A DUCKLING I know what you're thinking: What could possibly be scary about this duckling? Well, do you remember "The Ugly Duckling?" Well, it got some work done, and now it wants revenge. dogfearduckling-lowres 12. BRIDAL MAGAZINES Um, I don't know if you've ever been stuck on a bridesmaid email chain, but it is a horror movie in itself. I do not blame this dog at all. This dog is completely justified. dogfearbride-lowres 13. A FART Tell me Silent But Deadly is not the best name for a horror movie you've ever heard. Farts that kill you. BOX OFFICE GOLD. dogfearfart-lowres

Katie Haller

6 years ago

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