Who doesn’t love a classic teen movie? We all know what to expect: An introvert falls for the most popular girl in school, a nerdy girl (read: wears glasses and overalls) gets a makeover, and everyone in detention makes meaningful connections with someone unexpected. The only thing that could make a cliché high school movie one billion times better, is if the cast was made up entirely with dogs!
Without further ado, here’s the cast of the teenage/canine movie sensation, She’s Clueless With Sixteen American Pies And Can’t Hardly Wait For Air Bud!
1. The Hot Girl
“Oh Em Gee. It must be so hard for you realizing how not pretty you are when you see me and my AMAZING ear hair. Like, honestly? I’m a little sad for you. I use Pantene for people, just in case you’re wondering. Dog shampoo? EW. Are you kidding me? Do you know who I am? My human OWNS California, that makes me– ooh, a squirrel!”
2. The Jock
“They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball. They throw the ball I get the ball.”
3. The Nerdy Girl That Gets A Makeover and is Hot
Before: “I love books and learning so much. I’m at the top of my obedience class! My mom says I don’t really need friends if they’re the kind of friends that make fun of my tail size.”
After: “I’m a straight D student but my social calendar is full! #Sorrynotsorry mom you were totes wrong. I LOVE ATTENTION!!!!”
4. The Evil Principal
“I’m a serious obsessive-compulsive, who would never eat homework. That’s a crime. All work, no play – that’s my motto. I also tried to abolish free time, but the state laws say blahblahdetentionblah…”
5. The Nerd
“I do everyone’s homework. Not because I have to, but because I want to… be liked. Don’t feel too bad for me though, because I will develop software that will make me Bill Gates rich and then I’ll get a girl who isn’t even born yet.”
6. The Stoner
“A good day has only 3 ingredients: Surf, Sun, Smoke. Did I miss 4th period? I didn’t even know I had a fourth period. I just thought I had an early lunch. Mmmmm lunch…”
7. The Rich Bitch
“I only eat Prada shoes.”
8. The Teacher Who Tries Too Hard
“‘Sup, pups? You know, just because you’re 2 years old and I’m 7 doesn’t mean we can’t hashtag relate.”
9. The Cute, Misunderstood Emo Boy
“My parents don’t understand me. Maybe it’s because they’re human.”
10. The Troublemaker
“I stick my nose in everything–Awww shit! It’s about to go down! Don’t hold me back, bro! Don’t hold me back!”
11. The Goth Chick
“You’re all sheep.”
12. The Friends That Spend Too Much Time Together
“We’ve been friends since we were puppies! We hung out in each other’s litters all the time! We’ve watched the 101 Dalmations movie 101 times! We choreograph dances! We always finish each other’s sentences! We sit with each other at lunch! We will be roommates after school! We can’t function outside this relationship! Help! The End!”
