Meet Emma Bean, A Dingus Dachshund With An Actual Derping Resume

Reviewed by Katie Haller

February 18, 2016

When we first started this whole #ShowMeYourDingus business, Emma was the face of our official dingus definition:


Her derp days started very early. It was clear she would be a natural.


She was one of those students who always aced her dingus tests without even having to study.

One of the earliest signs of dingushood is when your ears grow before everything else…


Her ears continue to remain one of most dingusy traits, seeing as they are always inside out.

This is the dog equivalent of walking around with your fly down.

Like I’m actually convinced she thinks this is the correct way for her ears to fall.

Sometimes she switches it up though with one in and one out, which she has on her dingus resume. YES. I REPEAT. SHE HAS A DINGUS RESUME.

When she does let them down though, she is a total babe. That’s not weird to say right? Did I make it weird? Ugh, I made it weird.

She has several outfits and accessories to accentuate her derp face.

Here she is looking totally natural and chill and not like she doesn’t know what to do with her body at all.

You know you’re a dingus when you put on an accessory to distract from your derpiness and it just multiplies it by 100.

You also know you’re a dingus when your spirit animal is Eeyore from “Winnie The Pooh”.

She has no idea why she is funny. And that’s what makes her so hilarious.
“Why is everyone laughing, I don’t get it?” Because you have whipped cream dribbling down your face, ya dingus.

She definitely has a bit of a Napoleon complex, which is understandable when your toys are taller than you are.


That’s okay, though. Because as far as I’m concerned, this dingusposition (dingus disposition) is absolutely perfect.

Her mom, Shuan told us:

Emma likes to climb on top of people and put her face against theirs, squashing their mouths/noses and inadvertently suffocating them with love. While she does this, she will gaze intensely into her victim’s eyes – it’s super awkward and aggressive. If the person tries to talk, Emma will shift her head to cover their mouth, as if she’s saying, “Shhh. No words, just emotions.”


Emma is most definitely a morning dingus.
That awkward moment when you wake up and you’re not sure if you’re a dog or actually a seal.

“The best part of waking up, is seeing a derpy pup.”

Her favorite thing to do is burrow in a sea of blankets, which is how I also avoid human interaction at all costs. I mean what?

Because real dinguses don’t just derp when they’re awake. They derp when they’re unconscious.

Slerping: To derp in your sleep. #DogDictionary

See also: “Bits To The Wind” (One of my favorite pup sleeping positions)


She also sleeps in a froggy bed. #FroggyStyle

And wears ducky pajamas, which are beyond aderpable (when you are an adorable derp).


Emma totally has a nerdy side. She’s a huge Star Wars fan. She actually starred in “When The Derp Awakens.” No big deal.

She’s also a huge Dr. Suess fan. Her favorite is “Oh The Places You’ll Derp.”


To be honest, she only has one real fear, and that is of her own farts, which is TEXTBOOK dingus behavior.

She’s afraid of her own farts, especially when they make noises. Once she farted in the middle of the night and scared herself so badly that she had to cuddle with me for several minutes before she would go back to sleep.

When you think it’s gonna be an SBD but you were wrong…


She has no reservations about humping her human though. The only thing is she’s more of an arm girl than a leg humper. Specifically, right arms. (Sorry lefties)

Speaking of arms, my personal favorite thing about Emma is her incredible raptor arms. I don’t know what her secrets are to get such a perfect pair, but they truly are a great set.

Like really great.

And she knows it.

I don’t know why I can’t get over this. LOOK AT THEM.

We’ll leave you with one final derp smile.

Does your dog also have an impressive derp resume? Submit them for Dingus Of The Week here

Featured image via @doxie83

Reviewed by Katie Haller

February 18, 2016