Welcome to Bark After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly unusual articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you
weirdos night owls. Not for the faint of heart, weak of stomach, or low of humor. Enjoy! Some immature language is ahead.
Awwww yeaaah – you know what day it is. We’re all nursing the hangover we have from going up on a Tuesday, and we all have our baby pictures ready to ‘ho out on Instagram for #ThrowbackThursday – which can only mean one thing… it’s motherpuppin’ Hump Day.
That’s right boys and squirrels! We are taking back “Hump Day!” No longer will the saying be for obnoxious dudes, who high-five each other while yelling, “Winning!”
“Hump Day” is now for the (hilariously inclined,) dog lovers, who like taking a break from their work week to laugh at adorable dogs acting like dingus’. I’m sorry world, humping is funny, I didn’t make the rules.Note: Yes, humping is a laugh riot, but it can also be a sign of behavioral issues. It also can get out of hand …like the time my sister had to put sugar on my dog’s red rocket when he was a puppy, because he humped a pillow so hard his ding-a-ling was chafed and like, wouldn’t go back in the shaft, and his peen was like, turning purple, and web forums told me his penis would fall off unless it went back in, and it was Sunday night, in the middle of nowhere, and I started crying uncontrollably and freaking out because I had just adopted this dog and I was already such a bad mom that his wiener was about to decapitate itself, and my Mom kept screaming at me to ‘ask the Internet,’ and then the Internet recommended I put sugar on my dog’s dingus, because once he licked the sugar it would be like lube, and would make his one-eyed-monster go back to normal, but I was so upset that my puppy’s purple penis wasn’t going back in, that I was literally shaking, so my steady-handed sister had to do it, and luckily, it went just as the Internet said, and everything was fine, and he had his normal penis back, but now I’m traumatized, and my sister and dog can’t look at each other in the eye at family functions because it’s so awkward. So, yeah, monitor dog humping so your sister doesn’t have to put sugar on your dog’s johnson.