12 Reasons Mista Hank Is The Hero We Need But Don’t Deserve

Written by: Dr. Katy Nelson

February 18, 2016

Welcome to Bark After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly unusual articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you weirdos night owls. Not for the faint of heart, weak of stomach, or low of humor. Enjoy!

Put your lighters in the air, pull the shades down low, fetch your ball gag, or do whatever it is that you do and get ready for a little HANKY PANKY! Boys and squirrels… ladies and perverts… we give you 10 reasons Mista Hank is the most amazing Staffordshire Terrier/Exhibitionist mix this side of Australia!

1. “DJ Scratch n Sniff at yo’ service.”

2. “The air guitar that started it all.

3. “Magic Mike was based on my life – XXL.”

4. “Call me on my cell phone if you’re lookin’ for a meat n potatoes kinda guy, emphasis on the meat.”

5. “Bitches like bad boys, then that’s what they’re gonna get.”

6. “I can talk the talk and walk the walk, despite the minor foot tremor sitation we’re dealing with at the moment.”

7. “…I swear this never happens.”.

8.”Hey Little Drummer Boy! Check out this beat.”

9. “If you think the zombie apocalypse is gonna come between me and my dangalang, you’re wrong. Dead wrong. You’re a dead wrong man walking.”

10. “Nothin’ to see here, just uh, beatin’ some eggs, enjoying the breeze.”

11. We can’t get enough of you either, Mista Hank! Don’t ever change!

12. …unless it’s to try out a new “technique.”

Featured image via @mista_hank/Instagram

Written by: Dr. Katy Nelson

February 18, 2016