The 6 Hilarious Stages Of A Dachshund Waking Up

There are a lot of little quirks unique to these long-bodied, wrinkle-footed things we call Dachshunds. They have that characteristic waddle-walk, those guilty faces after they steal your sandwich, their expressive body language, and their love of blankets, to name a few. Even when they wake from their fabric cocoons, they have a, uh... method. Be warned: disaster may be coming when a Dachshund regains consciousness, as they are small, short-legged mischief magnets. You will do well to know the signs. 1. The false alarm This is when a sudden noise or hyper-realistic bacon dream jolts the Dachshund from its slumber---almost. Do not be fooled, the wiener is not actually awake, and will quickly revert back to the limp noodle state. false alarm 2. The upside-down turtle This strange phenomenon occurs when a Dachshund has begun the waking-up process but is cleverly feigning motivation. It's the epitome of "5 more minutes, Mom" without having to say it. upside-down turtle 3. The stink-eye The way to a Dachshund's heart is NOT by disturbing their snooze-fest. They are like small bears, except hibernation comes around every few hours. Note: the Dachshund is significantly more likely to forgive if you greet it with food. 12107407_537564626397472_1411994163_n 4. The epic yawn Otherwise known as the "steer clear or feel your nose hairs singe," the epic yawn releases a burst of toxic Doxie breath, and signals that though it hates you very much for waking it up, it will do it anyway. dachshund yawn 5. The downward-facing dawg This is the point of no return. Once the Dachshund is limber it will be constantly moving, hoovering the floors and tabletops for crumbs, and barking every time a car door shuts. You will have roughly three hours before it slips back into unconsciousness. stretch 6. The grumble-mumbles Well there you have it: your Dachshund is awake. These throaty grumbles are the equivalent of a Dachshund starting their engine for fun (re: trouble-making). Brace yourselves, humans.
Featured Image via @harlowandsage

Samantha Erb

6 years ago

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