Fun

The 6 Hilarious Stages Of A Dachshund Waking Up

Written by: Dr. Katy Nelson

November 19, 2015

There are a lot of little quirks unique to these long-bodied, wrinkle-footed things we call Dachshunds. They have that characteristic waddle-walk, those guilty faces after they steal your sandwich, their expressive body language, and their love of blankets, to name a few. Even when they wake from their fabric cocoons, they have a, uh… method.

Be warned: disaster may be coming when a Dachshund regains consciousness, as they are small, short-legged mischief magnets. You will do well to know the signs.

1. The false alarm

This is when a sudden noise or hyper-realistic bacon dream jolts the Dachshund from its slumber—almost. Do not be fooled, the wiener is not actually awake, and will quickly revert back to the limp noodle state.

false alarm

2. The upside-down turtle

This strange phenomenon occurs when a Dachshund has begun the waking-up process but is cleverly feigning motivation. It’s the epitome of “5 more minutes, Mom” without having to say it.

upside-down turtle

3. The stink-eye

The way to a Dachshund’s heart is NOT by disturbing their snooze-fest. They are like small bears, except hibernation comes around every few hours. Note: the Dachshund is significantly more likely to forgive if you greet it with food.

12107407_537564626397472_1411994163_n

4. The epic yawn

Otherwise known as the “steer clear or feel your nose hairs singe,” the epic yawn releases a burst of toxic Doxie breath, and signals that though it hates you very much for waking it up, it will do it anyway.

dachshund yawn

5. The downward-facing dawg

This is the point of no return. Once the Dachshund is limber it will be constantly moving, hoovering the floors and tabletops for crumbs, and barking every time a car door shuts. You will have roughly three hours before it slips back into unconsciousness.

stretch

6. The grumble-mumbles

Well there you have it: your Dachshund is awake. These throaty grumbles are the equivalent of a Dachshund starting their engine for fun (re: trouble-making). Brace yourselves, humans.

Featured Image via @harlowandsage

Written by: Dr. Katy Nelson

November 19, 2015

Toothbrush-free dental care for dogs.

Fresher breath in 1–2 weeks.

CLAIM OFFER

INNOVATIVE DOG STUFF, EVERY MONTH.

A themed collection of BARK-designed toys, treats, and chews.

INNOVATIVE DOG STUFF, EVERY MONTH.

A themed collection of BARK-designed toys, treats, and chews.