Welcome to Bark After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly unusual articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you weirdos night owls. Not for the faint of heart, weak of stomach, or low of humor. Enjoy!
Your dog has always been your rock. Your light in the dark. Your Snickerbottom. Pumpkinbooger. Snugglebear. But what if you’ve been wrong all this time? What if your Honey-munchkin has been playing you for a fool while sleeping in someone else’s dog bed? Eating someone else’s treats? Dare we imagine Piggle-wiggle barking in someone else’s face and urinating on someone else’s floor? What if the dog you’ve cuddled with and cleaned up after all these years isn’t the Jellymuppet you thought he/she was? If you’ve ever suspected that your dog was offering tongue baths and meaningful eye contact elsewhere, read on for signs your dog has a secret second family.
- 1. You reach for Buster’s anal glands and discover they’ve already been expressed.
- 2. Fiona drives out of town for weeks at a time “on business.” Where the hell did Fiona learn to drive?
- 3. Muffin’s snuggling is less vigorous than it used to be. Much Less.
- 4. A stuffed animal you don’t recognize posts a picture with your Peekapoo on Instagram.
- 5. Ludwig is becoming increasingly withdrawn. And unapologetically fat.
- 6. He has to “work” all major holidays, and you’re like, “Since when is farting in your sleep a job?”
- 8. You find shards of Himalayan yak in his poop. If you didn’t buy him that Himalayan yak chew, who did? It’s not like he was in the Himalayans …right??
- 9. Bruce tries to laugh it off, but it’s not freaking funny, Bruce! Oh, wait, maybe that was a sneeze.
- 10. Your sweet Nola slips up and barks the wrong name when she needs something. Yikes.
- 11. Where did he get THAT toy? …and where has it been?
- 12. John Stamos Jr. never mentioned a trip to the Grand Canyon? How is your local dog run supposed to compete with a National Park??
- 13.You start seeing “Lost Dog” fliers posted in the neighborhood that are clearly of your dog.
- 14. Finally, you catch your Pom in the act. He all Shaggy like, “It wasn’t me.”
- 15. Why he always lying’?
16. And what of the children? Did he ever think of the children?
17. It’s not right. But its okay… as long as you’re still her favorite.
- 18. You can’t stay mad for long – just look at that punim!
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Featured image via NYPost
