This Guy Really Wants a Dog But Can’t Have One. What He Does Instead is Adorable.

Written by: Griffin Shaffer

January 10, 2014

My name is Griffin Wade Shaffer and I am currently unable to own a dog.  You see, due to my hectic work and travel schedule, as well as limitations in my small apartment, it would be ill-advised to own the Golden Retriever I want at this time.

Therefore, the obvious next best thing is owning a life-size ceramic dog and taking him on my most triumphant adventures. (That sounded more normal in my head)

What ensues is pure greatness…or insanity, depending on if you like dogs or not.

My Plan for the Perfect Day with my Future Dog

“The Adventures of Griff ‘n’ Zeke”

Dream Day Agenda Item #1: The day begins with a friendly game of chess…it does not go as planned. 

Griff’s next move will probably be his last.

Dream Day Agenda Item #2: Next, Griff ‘n’ Zeke set out on their way, looking for a great place to drink some wine and chill.  Why they chose a random field, no one knows.

“Something random and poetic.”

Don’t worry; Zeke is a terrific designated driver.

See, what happened was…

Dream Day Agenda Item #3: Griff awakens and sits down to paint a nature photo.  Seriously, the exact same nature photo that’s in EVERY engagement and new baby photo album.  You know exactly what I’m talking about.  It’s like, hey, how about something original.  Oh, you want another obligatory nature photo?  Ok, well crap, here you go.  Enjoy.  Even Zeke knows what’s up. That sunlight is majestic though.

Obligatory Nature Photo

Dream Day Agenda Item #4: Griff ‘n’ Zeke soon find themselves lost in the woods, using an atlas for some reason.  I’m totally serious about that nature photo thing.  I mean, c’mon people, let’s try something new.  Another wedded couple in a field holding a “She Said Yes!” sign.  But I digress…Griff immediately gets lost.  Zeke is not amused.

According to this, we are in Liechtenstein.

Dream Day Agenda Item #4: Griff finally finds his golf ball that he was apparently searching for… (That was a seamless transition…)

“Big hitter, the Lama.”

Unfortunately Griff never gets past the first hole because Zeke has this uncanny ability to return Griff’s golf ball back to the exact same spot where he just hit it.  Hole one score: 87. (Sidenote: Zeke’s fantastic headwear brought to you by Griff’s Dad’s crazy hat collection)

“It looks like a mirac… It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!”

Even after making it to the green, (AKA the closed down mini-putt course I broke in to), Griff still needs Zeke’s help to scope out this putt.  Zeke is thinking about bacon.  Now that I think about it, Griff is thinking about bacon too.  How great is bacon? It’s pretty much the best.  In fact, all breakfast when served at dinner is great.  Brinner.

We both like bacon.

Dream Day Agenda Item #5: After a quick one hole of golf, Griff ‘n’ Zeke head to the pool.  Unfortunately it’s December, so the pool is closed.  I guess Griff will never learn how to dog paddle.

The sign says “No Swimming Allowed,” but our hearts say “We still want bacon.”

Dream Day Agenda Item #6: Griff ‘n’ Zeke depart from the pool and head to work. Never lacking in style, Griff prefers the ‘Brink!’ method of commuting to work: Rollerblades.  Remember, when in doubt, just go rollerblading.  Because let’s face it, no matter what you do on rollerblades, someone is going to laugh at you.

“We skate for fun. We’re soul skaters.”

Dream Day Agenda Item #7: After work, Griff ‘n’ Zeke relax and take in the day before heading home.

“The only thing we have to fear…is Grumpy Cat.”

Dream Day Agenda Item #8: After returning home, Griff realizes his epic ginger beard is making people think he is Irish, when he is actually Scandinavian.  Seriously people, do we have to go there?  Zeke doesn’t care, but like I’m going to leave him out of a shaving experience.  Besides, Zeke is looking too ‘Hipster’ as it is.

I only read books I have already read.

As the day comes to an end, Griff ‘n’ Zeke revel in the adventures of that day.  It was a great day.  And though Griff can’t own a real dog, for now, Zeke will accompany him on many more adventures.  No more monotonous nature wedding or newborn photos.

On to the next adventure!…and bacon.

Photographs by Valerie Betterton Photography. Please visit her Facebook Page.

Written by: Griffin Shaffer

January 10, 2014

Toothbrush-free dental care for dogs.

Fresher breath in 1–2 weeks.



A themed collection of BARK-designed toys, treats, and chews.


A themed collection of BARK-designed toys, treats, and chews.