Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by your dog’s interest in your dirty underwear.
I know I have. Sometimes I like to dream of a world where my dog doesn’t act like I just threw a steak on the floor everytime I take off my unmentionables. I’m certainly not one to apologize for being a human woman living in temperatures pushing 80 degrees, but standing pantsless while watching your dog huff crotch-juice really makes you question your life and your choices.
1. So we’re doing this again?
2. Why do I let you do this? Why am I so powerless to stop it?
3. Why are you quietly growling? Don’t you know that makes it so much worse?
4. Is the smell really that strong?
5. Dear lord, am I asking my dog about gynecological health right now?
6. But honest opinion– should I be eating more pineapple?
7. Oh, that was a ridiculous question? Are you implying that I am the weirdo in this situation?!
8. Is it crossing a boundary if I post this on Instagram? Why must you be so cute?!
9. How is this still fun for you?
10. Are there that many similarities between my underwear and goose poop?! Don’t answer that.
11. Can you at least throw them in the wash when you’re done?
12. What did I do to deserve this bullying?
13. Does this make us pheromone twins?
14. DO YOU REALLY THINK I’M GOING TO LET YOU TAKE THOSE ON OUR WALK?
15. All right, what should we watch on Netflix when you’re done?