10 Everyday Poop Struggles All Dog People Go Through

Written by: Dr. Katy Nelson

February 8, 2016

Dog owners love their dogs like a parent loves their child. Yet, every parent has to acknowledge that their baby can be gross, especially when it comes to pooping. Thus, here are the 10 struggles every dog owner unfortunately must deal with.

1. Forgetting the Plastic Bag


We all have that moment where we see our dog’s fresh turd and realize we have no way to pick it up. The plastic bag, whether it is zip-lock or supermarket brand, has become the miracle makeshift glove for dog owners. It is the key to our civil duty in picking up our dog’s doo-dee.

But when it’s forgotten, it feels like a social scarlet letter for two reasons: 1) You know you need to do a silent rosary because some poor jogger, who’s just trying to get in shape, will blissfully destroy his sneakers on your dog’s poop; and 2) you have to deal with…

2. The Pesky Onlooker


Unfortunately, there always is that one person, who sincerely believes watching the “happenings” of his or her neighbors makes them a valuable member of society. It is like a bad episode of Big Brother with some stranger who thinks yelling at a random dog owner to pick up their dog’s poop is their human right/responsibility.

I once waved a fecal bag in victory at an old lady who completely watched my dog go. “Are you happy, old lady?” I said with my eyes. “I have fulfilled my janitorial duties of cleaning my dog’s sidewalk toilet. You can go back to glaring at teenagers now. Thank you.”

3. Cold Weather


Unfortunately, dogs do not care whether a “Snowpocalypse” is hitting your area. When they need their walk it means you need to walk……into a blizzard. As your dog spreads his stool upon the piling snow, you realize you’re picking up poop and hypothermia. Moreover, their awe of the snow teeters between complete disgust and dumb bliss, which means this walk is going to be long and adventurous.

4. Your Bad Mood


The last thing you want to deal with when you are in a bad mood is your dog’s turd. You literally feel like a turd in life, and seeing your dog eager to walk and relieve him or herself is just irksome. It is especially annoying because you kind of wish you could go outside and be instantly relieved as well. Moreover, having to see sun in an emotionally dreary day is like having the person next to you win the lotto: you are not happy about it.

5. Your Dog’s Bad Mood

Like their owners, dogs have their bad days, too. Suddenly, walking outside is a burden to their soul, and taking their routine poop is the equivalent to a trip to Narnia: weird. It is in these days when your dog becomes an emotional stranger to you because now it is he that does not want to see the sun or your face.

6.  Looking Insane in Public


Dog owners have caught themselves plenty of times celebrating or mourning over their dog’s poop habits. You audibly cheer and encourage your dog when he or she has a smooth release or you pray over him/her to finally do the deed. Either way, you look insane to regular human beings who have no idea how crazy love makes you, even when it’s for another species.

7.  Your Dog’s “Excitement”


There is no greater walk of shame for a dog owner than when your dog decides to turn his “poop run” into National Hump Day. You try to clean her butt before she decides to hump another random dog or leg, but the urge is too strong for your dog that day. Thus, Happy Hump Day becomes for you, Happy “Hide Under the Covers” Day!

8.  The Actual Poop


Poop never changes to become something semi-bearable. It’s always ugly, smelly, and on occasion, changes textures so that you can feel even more grossed out. No matter how much you love your dog you still feel that his poop stinks. Worse, when he takes a massive one, you reconsider his love for you — and his diet.

9.  Cleaning Your Dog


Cleaning your dog is never easy because they do not share the same connection to hygiene that humans do. They can freely walk with a half-turd in their butt and not feel an ounce of shame. Yet, you, as their proud owner, cannot allow them to appear poopy, especially in front of friends who will quickly notify you that your dog has dry stool hanging on them like a twisted, anal version of an earring.

10.  Cleaning Your Home


Finding random little “pooplings” in your home can make you feel like your dog has set up his own version of an “Easter Hunt” for you. He drops chocolate eggs everywhere and presumes that you, as his or her’s owner, will have the same child-like passion looking for them. Instead, this treasure hunt has no treasure beyond discovering how strong your love is for your dog.

I mean, think about it. No other living creature on earth can get away with the things our dogs get away with. And we love them for it. Poop and all.

Featured image via moveoneinc

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Written by: Dr. Katy Nelson

February 8, 2016

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