You just adopted a new dog. Next comes the hard part: thinking of an awesome name for your dog that will make people laugh at how clever you are, and signal that you listen to good music. But don’t worry, you don’t have to go it alone.
This year, BarkPost has conducted an extensive survey of dog name experts (not true) to compile a comprehensive list of 2015’s least-popular-and-therefore-most-desirable dog names (true-ish). Behold:
1. Dog
2. Chad
3. Chewtros Chewtros-Ghali
4. Boatswain
5. Paw Iver
6. Bruce Springer Spanielsteen
7. Vegan Mayonaise
8. Burl Ives
9. Williamsburg
10. Gentrifier
11. #doge
12. Chewtros Chewtros-Ghali
13. Sufjan Stevens’s Early Albums
14. I’m vegetarian. No, you pick the restaurant. Ugh, not that one.
15. Kevin
16. Jeff Tweedy? Pssh, Nels Cline is the best part of Wilco.
17. Thrift Shop
18. James Buchanan (15th President of the U.S.)
19. Vinyl
20. Stefon
21. Names Are Slavery
22. Minor in Anthropology
23. Twee
24. Rebecca
25. Foucault’s Wikipedia Page
26. Super Hans
27. @thehound
28. I Only Eat Animals That Can’t Feel Fear
30. Ironic Readings of William F. Buckley
31. Nancy
32. Summer Scarf
33. Neitzcshe (sic)
34. Dave
35. Sylvia Plath Is My Spirit Animal
36. Dog Name
37. That’s So Meta I Could Die
38. Richard Wag-ner
39. Wolf Lite
40. Kid A-kita
41. Cave Canem
42. Death From Above
43. Bruce
44. Not On The Rug, Man
45. #dog
46. Soccer? Do You Mean Football?
47. Richard Lickson
48. Mitch (Hedberg)
49. Direwolf
50. Bonnie “Prince” Baying
51. Jam Jar Cocker Spaniel Tail
52. Pitbull, but the nice woman at the shelter said “lab mix.”
53. Yankee Hotel Foxhound
54. Martin Hide-Digger
55. French Cooking
56. Bill Furray
57. J. Edgar Snoozer
58. Growl Duke
59. Literally
60. What’s “drip” coffee? Ew.
61. Sub Pop Records
62. Gilbert
63. Wes Anderson Wide Shots
64. Hakeem Olajuwon
65. Cerberus In Culina Latrat
66. Mr. Brown
67. Soy Wax Candles
68. Flat White
69. Ooh, I know this great little place…
71. Gertrude
72. Post-postmodern
73. Party All The Time, by Eddie Murphy
74. Internship
75. Pupst Blue Ribbon
76. Margaret
77. American Spirit
78. Zach Braque
79. Kodachrome
80. Helga
81. Muttstache
82. Ben Gibbark
83. Etsy
84. Paw Gasol
85. Irony
86. Dude, Mutt Is Not The Preferred Nomenclature
87. Neutral Malinois Hotel
88. Nose Chompsky
89. Aibo
90. Droolio
91. Shedmund Kemper
92. Dog Draper
93.
94. Phyllis
95. I Saw Arcade Fire With 50 People At A Club In Denver in ’03.
96. Get Cars Off The Road
97. More Mandolin
98. Frank
99. The Smell of an Urban Outfitters At Closing Time
100. Crushing Student Loan Debt
101. Cat
Featured image via @toby_littledude
