I will probably get in trouble for typing this, but not all of our 420 toys are created equally. Different toys give off different vibes that your dog DEFINITELY picks up on. By choosing a favorite, your pup is aligning themselves with everything that specific toy stands for. I know, it’s shocking.
Curious where your dog lands? Shop the stash.
Luckily for you, as BARK’s resident vibe-decipherer, I’m here to shed some light on what your pup’s pick says about them. For some of you, my wisdom will be cause for celebration. For others, you will hang your head in shame. Take a seat, clear your mind, and get ready for your world to change forever.
1. Bongo
Pros: 2 Squeakers, Treat Trap
Cons: Does not double as a musical instrument
Give your pup a pat on the back if this is their preferred toy; only the most confident pooches rock with Bongo. A dog who chooses Bongo is a dog that knows what they want. They would definitely be the seasoned stoner, the one who has been smoking the same stuff for YEARS.
You know the type: quiet and unassuming, but has a massive amount of knowledge when it comes to all things weed. Upon first glance, you’d never peg them as one who enjoys the devil’s lettuce. It’s only after they start opening up that you realize how wrong you were. They have tried everything and have the stories to prove it.
Famous Stoner Equivalent: Tommy Chong (circa 2010-present)
2. D-OG Kush Nugs
Pros: Multi-Part Toy, Crazy Crinkle
Cons: Too punny
By far the coolest choice in our 420 collection is the D-OG Kush Nugs (pause here to either congratulate or shame your dog). Pups that have this toy first in their rotation are chill as hell, and they know it. They would for sure be the stereotypical stoner type from your favorite early 2000’s movie.
Dropping Visine into their eyes is a daily ritual, as not a day goes by that they’re not enjoying their precious ganja. Unlike you Apple-of-My-High lovers, this stoner LOVES to share his supply. Their generosity and gregarious manner have made them buds with people from all walks of life. Truly a stoner of the people.
Famous Stoner Equivalent: Snoop Dogg
3. Munchie the Bear
Pros: Hardcore (tear-away exterior reveals tough rubber toy), Dishwasher-Safe Rubber
Cons: Makes me hungry
Newton’s third law dictates that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction—well, Munchie the Bear is the inverse of D-OG Kush Nugs. I hate to say it, but this toy is supremely uncool. Any dog who prefers this toy over others would 100% be a crunchy, great aunt stoner (I use the term “stoner” very loosely here). Everyone has one, an ex-hippie great aunt who pops one 5mg gummy before bed each night. She tried taking two gummies one time and swore that she “tripped balls.” She refuses to smoke her weed because in the summer of 2014 she saw a local news segment about marijuana laced with PCP. She makes a wonderful casserole, but a horrible stoner.
Famous Stoner Equivalent: Martha Stewart
4. Snack-Packed Bong
Pros: Treat-Dispenser
Cons: Doesn’t work as well for human-sized snacks
Last, and maybe least, is the Snack-Packed Bong. I can’t fault any dog who enjoys this toy it has a lovely treat dispensing feature. Clearly a favorite for all the hard-working pups out there. However, what I can criticize is the type of person that I most closely associate with this Bong, the crypto-bro stoner. The “rise and grind mindset” guy, who just will not stop talking about being an entrepreneur.
The only time this guy has shown any introspection was after a particularly intense smoke session, and immediately after he went on a T-break. He pays way too much for an eighth, and has been trying to befriend his dealer for over a year (to no avail). Nobody wants this guy around, but nobody cares enough to ask him to leave.
Famous Stoner Equivalent: Elon Musk
5. Apple-of-My-High
Pros: Crazy Crinkle, Squeaker
Cons: Tarnishes the reputation of one of nature’s nutritious miracles
If this is your dog’s favorite 420 toy I am so, so sorry. By selecting this toy, your dog is aligning themselves with arguably the worst kind of stoner. You know, the guy who still thinks he’s in high school (even though he’s in his mid-thirties).
He probably has a Bob Marley poster in his living room and owns at least two articles of clothing that have a weed leaf on them. Everyone that has ever met him knows about his habit, as he loves to tell stories that all begin with “One time my buddies and I got really high and…” He maintains his lifestyle by showing up to the smoke sessions empty handed, and by slipping out before he is forced to fork over any cash. The only person to like this guy is his mother.
Famous Stoner Equivalent: Seth Rogan (circa 2006-2017)
