Valentine’s Day is around the corner and you still haven’t gotten a gift for that special someone in your life. You ask and you ask, but she just won’t tell you what she really wants. Playing coy, classic.
“Well,” you think to yourself, “she looks cute in that red leash I got her a few years ago… maybe it’s time for a new one… yeah, that’s a good idea.” WRONG. Red leash? Really? Your dog can’t even see red! Are you trying to rub it in?
Luckily for you, BarkPost has got your back. We’ve rounded up a list of gifts your dog *actually* wants for Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day, or Tuesday… really any occasion that calls for a special treat.
1. It’s 5 O’ Clock Somewhere
You think you’re the only one that enjoys a nice drink after the ol’ canine to five? She may go for the water bowl, but trust us, she’s just being polite. Whether it’s Barkardi or Grrrona, your dog will be able to unwind after a long day with one of these in hand.
2. Speaking of drinks…
You know the cup you drink your coffee out of every morning? Your favorite one made of porcelain? Well, that’s what your toilet bowl is for your dog. And yet, you shoo her away time and time again when, just like you, all she’s trying to do is settle into her morning routine. Honestly, it’s selfish. So this Valentine’s Day, give her the gift of compromise with a water bowl you’ll both enjoy.
3. Why should cats have all the fun?
Sure, everyone knows cats love boxes… but when did those boxes become so fly? Your dog may not admit it, but she’s been eyeing the cat’s special spot and may just want one for herself… maybe.
4. Home is where you park it
Or maybe your pup has her sights set on something greater than the cat box. Whatever you do, don’t take this personally. It’s not that she doesn’t love you, because she does, she just needs a space of her own because, well…you hover. You smother, and don’t lie, sometimes you get in her crate with her at night. We’re not here to judge, but maybe it’s time your dog got her own place and became the strong, independent dog she is.
5. New age decor
But now that she’s moving out, she’s going to need some decorations for her new apartment that look good and bring even better energy (feng shar pei, if you will). She’s too proud to ask, but she’s a little tight on cash right now (the whole no job thing can be real ruff on one’s bank account).
6. A lean figure
You might think getting her a treadmill seems like a good idea. You think to yourself, “It’ll help her get more exercise!” But like… are you trying to say she needs more exercise? That she’s not quite the lap dog she used to be? That she gained a pound or two over the howlidays?
At best, that’s how the “treadmill” conversation would go. So, trust us when we say this is one can of worms you do not want to open with your pup.
7. Princess for the day
You’re always calling your pup a princess… but what do princesses wear? Not a Davy Crockett hat like the one you got her last Christmas. Certainly not anything like that pawful cone-shaped paper birthday hat you make her wear. Every. Single. Year. No, princesses want crowns with diamonds piled high… or crocheted crowns work too, you know, because of the economy.
8. I want to belieb
We may never know if it’s too late to say sorry (one of life’s greatest questions, really), but it’s definitely not too late to make up for getting that puppin’ song stuck in your dog’s head. Just because she doesn’t want a red leash doesn’t mean she’s opposed to the idea of a leash in general… especially if it’s one that shows (even if she won’t admit it) that now even she is a Belieber.
That being said, top 40 hits may come and go, but the classics never go out of style. While whether or not it’s too late to say sorry remains a mystery for now, one question that has evaded dogs and humans alike for decades is “Who Let The Dogs Out?” Sure, it’s not what her friends might be listening to, but she’ll thank you for helping her become a part of something greater than herself: the most pervasive, philosophical question within the history of K-9-kind.
10. Chewy Vuitton
Though you’re always her #1, she *might* have a crush on that blue-eyed Husky from the dog park (…you didn’t hear it from us). While she normally wouldn’t mind bringing her tennis ball, she’s thinking that wearing the latest and greatest from Chewy Vuitton will finally get him to notice her. Sure, we know that any dog who’s truly a “good boy” wouldn’t care about that sort of thing, she’s just going to have to learn that lesson the hard way.
Here’s one to consider just in case it doesn’t work out between your pup and that Husky after all…
12. “Beautiful” pearly whites
And about that tennis ball… it’s great and all, and no, she doesn’t “mind” it, but… it’s missing something, don’t you agree? Pizzazz? A sense of humor? No wait, teeth… it’s definitely teeth. Not to mention, if you have an older girl who’s maybe lost a tooth or two, this is the perfect gift to make her feel better about showing the world her smile.
13. A sense of modesty
Yes, your dog was with you when you read Everyone Poops, but it doesn’t make the fact that she’s constantly exposing herself like some two-bit pup from “Dogs Gone Wild” any easier.
14. Pooping in privacy
And for days when your dog is particularly sensitive about her poop-time privacy (you did make that comment about her weight earlier, after all), nothing says “I love you” like a Valentine’s Day poop tent. Sure, most dogs might not care about that sort of thing, but your dog isn’t like most dogs, now is she?