10 Hilariously Literal Names For Pit Bulls

Written by: Nicole Zalat

November 10, 2015

As dog owners, we often come up with crazy nicknames for our pets that border on the ridiculous. And when someone asks us why we call our dog that, we can come up with an explanation that’s equally ridiculous.

My dog Lady is also known as “Squinky” after she woke up from a nap when she was a puppy and sleepily stumbled out to the living room with her eyes in a half-squint, half-wink. My heart swelled as I reached my arms out to hug her, saying, “You’re so squinky, my litto Lady!” and the name stuck. Now I call all Pit Bulls “Squinky Dogs.”

Here are some other alternative names we can call Pit Bulls.

1. Velvet Burrito


It’s easy to figure out why all Pitties should just be called Velvet Burritos. They’re soft and snuggly and they make you feel good inside, just like a burrito does. Mmmm, burritos.

2. Lumpasaurus Rex

If you come across a Pittie who’s found a comfortable spot, good luck getting them to move. They can be super stubborn and will leave you thinking they’re just doing it to mess with you.


Oh, and the concept of personal space? Pit Bulls are notorious for violating every rule when it comes to giving others space. They will just drape their lumpy bodies wherever they please, regardless of who was there first.



3. Wigglebutt Monster

Exhibit A:

Source: BarkFeed

4. Land Manatee


Manatees and Pits both have whiskers and huge smiles so by that logic, Pit Bulls are land manatees. The end.

5. Unapologetic Heart Thief

Screen Shot 2015-10-31 at 1.44.44 AM

Pitties will steal your heart and never give it back, and that’s okay. Pit lovers are some of the craziest, most enthusiastic dog people you’ll ever meet, and it’s easy to see why. Once you have your first Pit kiss, it’s all downhill from there, folks. Your life is just never the same after that.

6. Pitopotamus

Source: @max_thepitbull/Slapped Ham
Source: @max_thepitbull/Slapped Ham

Some Pit Bulls basically look like tiny hippos, especially when they’ve had way too many treats and get glorious love handles. Look at them neck rolls. Swoon.

7. Nosy McNosypants Doofusface

Pit Bulls are great at not minding their own business. They are naturally well-versed in the art of snooping…








just in case you slip up and say the magic word: T-R-E-A-T.


8. Tuskless Walrus


For some reason, Pit Bulls resemble many aquatic creatures. The walrus is one of them, of course. Did you know baby walruses are called puppies? #science

9. Head of the Itty Bitty Pittie Committee


You guys, the only thing better than a Pit Bull is a tiny Pit Bull. If you’ve got a baby Pittie in the family, then that cute mutherpupper deserves to be crowned Head of the Itty Bitty Pittie Committee, at least until it grows up and starts pushing you off the bed.

10. House Seal

Source: @the_blueboys/The Guardian
Source: @the_blueboys/The Guardian

Baby seals are also called pups, and their big eyes and rounded foreheads make them the pawfect doggelganger for Pit Bulls. Did you know some people call their Pits’ coloring “seal”? It’s just another word for deep brown, like chocolate. #themoreyouknow

What do you call Pit Bulls? Let us know in the comments below! 😀

Featured image via @the_blueboys

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Written by: Nicole Zalat

November 10, 2015

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