11 Hilarious Haikus By Dogs Who’ve Lost Their Balls

Written by: Nicole Zalat

June 22, 2015

Welcome to BarkPost After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly inappropriate articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you weirdos night owls. Not recommended for baby hoomans or the overly sensitive. Enjoy!

The thing that most bothers me as a dog lover is not being able to ask dogs how they feel. I would love to ask dogs if they like it more when I scratch their ear or their booty. Or what flavor of dog food they absolutely love best. Or how they felt when they woke up one day without their balls.

"Well, how do you think I felt?"

Losing your dangly bits must be a life-altering (hehe) event, one that would naturally produce intense feelings that could only properly be expressed in the form of a haiku.

Here are 11 haikus that could have been written by a dog upon reaching down for a lick and wondering where his gonads went.

1. By Snikt

My two sweet playthings,
taken, without my consent,
nothing to lick now.

2. By Robert

My balls once dangled
Proudly below my butthole
But now they are gone


3. By Nancy Gooddogz

It is curious
the vet has taken my balls
but still have lipstick

4. By GMF

A void has been born
Both in the soul and the crotch
It is all your fault

5. By MaPoDoFu

I am lighter now,
can jump a bit higher, yet
my soul is heavy

6. By Joanna

Tis because of you
That the only balls I know
Are the balls you throw

7. By Renée

my owner told me
we were visiting the park
I woke half a man.

8. By anon

you may take my balls
but you won’t take my power
to make you touch poop

9. By Hrothgar

vain apologist
there’s no emptiness like this
screw your snausages

10. By lapietra

no puppies for me
an eternal bachelor
chasing butterflies

11. By Sam

I see the other
dog licking his bollocks and
I weep. Cos I can’t.

H/t to
Featured image via @sirdukesworld

Written by: Nicole Zalat

June 22, 2015