Fun

11 Hilarious Haikus By Dogs Who’ve Lost Their Balls

Written by: Nicole Zalat

June 22, 2015

Welcome to BarkPost After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly inappropriate articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you weirdos night owls. Not recommended for baby hoomans or the overly sensitive. Enjoy!

The thing that most bothers me as a dog lover is not being able to ask dogs how they feel. I would love to ask dogs if they like it more when I scratch their ear or their booty. Or what flavor of dog food they absolutely love best. Or how they felt when they woke up one day without their balls.

"Well, how do you think I felt?"

Losing your dangly bits must be a life-altering (hehe) event, one that would naturally produce intense feelings that could only properly be expressed in the form of a haiku.

Here are 11 haikus that could have been written by a dog upon reaching down for a lick and wondering where his gonads went.

1. By Snikt

My two sweet playthings,
taken, without my consent,
nothing to lick now.
11335292_393591820846738_1385327698_n

2. By Robert

My balls once dangled
Proudly below my butthole
But now they are gone
11084686_811759252193153_283252488_n

[bp_related_article]

3. By Nancy Gooddogz

It is curious
the vet has taken my balls
but still have lipstick
10949050_754121364704013_2000529253_n

4. By GMF

A void has been born
Both in the soul and the crotch
It is all your fault
11376576_118066415191094_254643320_n

5. By MaPoDoFu

I am lighter now,
can jump a bit higher, yet
my soul is heavy
11379255_698706400257593_338438493_n

6. By Joanna

Tis because of you
That the only balls I know
Are the balls you throw
11191404_816072448485952_1388467319_n

7. By Renée

my owner told me
we were visiting the park
I woke half a man.
11265853_428846477286333_1423224325_n

8. By anon

you may take my balls
but you won’t take my power
to make you touch poop
10831887_1512091502391448_27676450_n

9. By Hrothgar

vain apologist
there’s no emptiness like this
screw your snausages
10246037_1631682023721423_69069278_n

10. By lapietra

no puppies for me
an eternal bachelor
chasing butterflies
11098282_462879257211032_1052773829_n

11. By Sam

I see the other
dog licking his bollocks and
I weep. Cos I can’t.
928874_979999622024446_158620870_n

H/t to zefrank.com
Featured image via @sirdukesworld

Written by: Nicole Zalat

June 22, 2015

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