Welcome to BarkPost After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly inappropriate articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you weirdos night owls. Not recommended for baby hoomans or the overly sensitive. Enjoy!
You don’t need us to tell you your dog must know some pretty horrible secrets about you. We know you know what we’re talking about.
But just in case there’s any doubt, here are 11 things your dog knows about you that you hope nobody else ever finds out.
1. The text you accidentally sent your crush. Totally on purpose.
2. You’d eat the food off the floor if your dog didn’t beat you to it. #FiveSecondRule
3. Sometimes, you wear the same underwear two days in a row. #Sometimes
4. You don’t really have plans.
5. Picking your nose. Every. Day.
6. They know your search history and it’s not pretty.
7. You NEVER wear pants when you’re home alone. #Decency
8. You got the text you claimed not to get.
9. Painting your nails so you don’t have to clean them.
10. Sniffing your armpits.
11. You order Seamless for “two.”
