Dog walking fashion is the opposite of runway fashion. Which is why we call it “runaway” fashion. It’s that outfit that, upon running into someone you know, makes you want to run in the other direction. Need an excuse to look your sloppiest? Here are four frumpy looks brought to you by our frumpulous BarkPost editors who have decided to share their stylish secrets.
1. The “I Woke Up Like This” (And Then I Put On Crocs)
GET THIS LOOK
1. Dirty T-shirt, $2 Even better if it’s a shirt you slept in the night before.
2. Crocs, $5 Nothing says “I just don’t care” like confidently wearing crocs on a crowded street in broad daylight.
2. The Sad Single
GET THIS LOOK:
1. Snuggie, $19.99 Go to Target and justify purchasing a Disney Snuggie by telling yourself it’s a “joke” and that you’ll never actually wear it. Then try it on and realize it is the most practical thing you have ever purchased.
2. Basic Betch Sunglasses, $5 You can find these at street fairs or in the gutter outside Urban Outfitters. They should be way too big for your face and should also send the “Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my skinny vanilla latte” face.
3. Camo Hat, $2 You’ll want a hat that blends in since the Snuggie is pretty loud. For a camo hat, steal it from your dad who’s into outdoorsy stuff probably.
3. The Walk Of Shame
GET THIS LOOK:
1. Hair nest, free Throw a bunch of hairspray on the night before and then throw it on top of your head. Literally as high up as you can possibly go. This isn’t one of those glamour ponytails you see on the red carpet at The Oscars. To give you an idea, it should take no less than 45 minutes to detangle.
2. Party Sunglasses, $0 No one actually purchases white-framed sunglasses. You find them on someone’s head at a party and then put them on as a joke, right?
3. Your Ex’s T-shirt, $0 Even better if it’s a zillion times too big.
4. Camo sweatpants, $10 A good way to find these is to Google the phrase “break-up sweatpants that are great for hiding from bears.” Make sure there’s an elastic waist.
5. Optional: Make sure there is poop coming out of a dog’s butt to really bring the look home.
4. Hamper Chic
GET THIS LOOK:
1. Old Sweatshirt, $0 You already have this sweatshirt. You’re probably wearing it now. It’s the one you always wear and never wash. IT SHOULD NOT BE NEW. This sweatshirt should be AT LEAST be a decade old.
2. Mystery Stain, $0 The key to this stain is that it should not look new, nor should it be easily identifiable. It should look like a stain that happened during a Netflix binge months ago. Real dog walkers can spot a fresh stain from a mile away, and they will look at you like an amateur.
3. Pajama Pants, $10 Choose a fabric that makes you think, “Those would make horrendous curtains.”
4. IDGAF Face, free The best accessory to “hamper chic” is an expression that says, “Don’t come near me.” Because once a conversation starts, you’re going to have to explain what’s on your sweatshirt.
So, what are you waiting for? Go out there and flaunt your frump!