"Oh no, don't mind me. I wasn't sleeping peacefully over here on my own. Oh, sure. You have your own bed, and there's also sufficient room on the couch. But yeah, my body is definitely the most appropriate place for you to sleep. Can you do me a favor actually and just make sure your actual butt hole is like right in my eye? Thank you. Also, I'm being extremely sarcastic."
h/t to LaughDaily