The Inner Monologue That Every Pup Parent Has When Walking Their Dog

Written by: Tasmai Uppin

June 10, 2015

You’re taking your dog for a nice stroll on a breezy summer day. You’ve got your headphones in with a great playlist just waiting to be listened to. You get your pup’s harness and leash on, pack the poop bags, grab the keys and the next thing you know, you’re having an internal conversation with yourself. No? Just me? Ok then, here goes.

“I wonder how long it’s going to take him to be done with his business this time. Should I have made a longer playlist just in case we’re out here for hours? Yowza! Hope no one saw me trip over the leash. Yeeeesh how embarrassing. Hey Benji, how about you pull a Pongo and find me a Roger?


“I wish I’d packed a snack while I wait for His Highness to go. Ooooh that human is so cute. And that dog? Even cuter! I wonder if he’ll say hi to my dog. Man, I hope Benji doesn’t embarrass me in front of him. Wait, what if his dog doesn’t like mine? This relationship will never work if that’s the case. Ok reel yourself in, he’s just a guy with a dog. Keep calm and walk on.

how-dare-the-world-not-acknowledge-my-dogs-cuteness-im-offended-on-his-behalf-6d56b copy

Whoa. How DARE he not acknowledge my pup? Benji is the cutest dog in the world. And he doesn’t even blink an eye? He must be crazy not to want to pet my fuzzbutt. I mean, look at Benji’s eyes. They’re like pools of soulfulness. So much adorable in ’em.

eyes for dayzzz

Ugh, being outside sucks! I gotta get him to poop so I can go back to my Netflix. Maybe I should write him a poop cheer. Go, Benji, go! If you can’t poo it, no one can. Nah that ain’t motivational enough. Let’s go, Benji. Clap, clap, clappity, clap.

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Omg, he’s actually doing it! He can read my thoughts! WOOOOOOO. Oh no, Did I get poo on my hands?! Noooooooo-oh phew. Thank god. Clean hands! Crap, chatty neighbor at nine o’clock, move along, move along…


Oh Dog, I need to make a run for it before I get stuck in an endless cycle of pithy small talk. C’mon boy, let’s go. Hurry up!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooooo, she saw us, we’re stuck AHHHHHHHH!


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Written by: Tasmai Uppin

June 10, 2015

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