So now that the humans finally gave me an email address after I proved my literacy and paw-typing skills, I’ve been getting a few emails from some awesome dogs. I decided to answer some of these pups on the BarkPost. It is an aspiration of mine to become the next Abigail Van Buren of the canine world, so keep the messages coming, BarkBoxers. But remember, typing with two paws takes a while– despite my prodigious capacities.
You do excellent work. I too have above average standards, and like to consider myself a connoisseur of fine treats and toys. Needless to say, I was skeptical when the BarkBox arrived claiming to have the best treats and toys in the world. But, to my pleasant surprise, I was quite impressed with your selection. I typically like to enjoy these sorts of things in silence, but I found myself unable to contain my enthusiasm.
I’m quite content with my current lifestyle of rabbit hunting, home security, and gardening. However, if you need assistance with your rigorous testing, let me know. I’d be happy to join the BarkBox team. My parents also talk to me in fragmented sentences like I am a child and I would be dogstatic to work along side sophisticated individuals like you and Frida.
I look forward to the next BarkBox.
Let me just begin by noting that I like your style. I never thought I would say this to a fellow canine wearing a pink polka dots, but you make that harness look pawsitively regal.
I’m so glad that all of my hard work here at BarkBox is not in vain. I find great comfort in the fact that there are other discriminatory dogs out there who just like to live their lives with the highest standards of quality. That being said, I would love to have you be a part of the BarkBox R&D team.
Here’s what we’ll do. I’m going to send you a couple products that I’ve been debating over including in future BarkBoxes. (Seriously, I’m losing sleep over it.) I’d love to have a fresh pair of paws on the products to see what you think. But you’ve got to keep these correspondences just between us. The level of secrecy needed for items in future BarkBoxes rivals the secrecy surrounding the specs of a new iPhone.
And get me your human’s t-shirt size. The wooing of the humans is a necessary depravity if we canines want those BarkBoxes to keep coming.
I look forward to your response. Stay cool.
Air paws and butt sniffs right back atcha,