Which “Fall B*tch” is Your Dog Based on Their Toy Selection?

Written by: Eliza Reinhardt

August 24, 2023

Y’all it’s almost time…the crispy air and crunchy leaves are on their way. You know what that means, it’s time to transform into your true self—your “Fall B*tch” persona. This year, we propose you also establish a fall persona for your pup.

Don’t know what type of “Fall B*tch” your dog is? No sweat, I took a deep dive into the types of fall b*tches and have crafted a truly enlightening read for you (and your dog). Based on your dog’s toy of choice, I can accurately predict what type of “Fall B*tch” your pup is.

1. The Basic Fall B*tch

The air has the slightest crisp and a singular leaf has fallen, but your dog is fully in fall mode. Pumpkin spice is all that will be touched, licked, and smelled for the upcoming 3-4 months, nothing else even compares. She’s plowing down several of these a day, staying on top of every new fall item and has been stalking trend forecasters since 2022 about all the upcoming hot items to have. She’s prepared to be an absolute fall icon, as basic as it may be, she’s classic, the “Fall B*tch” prototype.

BUY HERE: $14.99 at Target

2. Thanksgiving Obsessed Fall B*tch

If all your dog can dream about is a juicy, smoky turkey leg, they’re definitely a Thanksgiving Obsessed Fall B*tch. Once the temperature drops and there’s a crispness to the air nothing else matters, it’s turkey time.. Forget Halloween, that’s overrated and too scary. The Thanksgiving dreams begin and all that they can think about is how much turkey grandma is going to drop off the table and then curling up on the couch with you for the post – meal tryptophan snooze.

BUY HERE: $9.99 at Walgreens

BUY HERE: $18.69 at Petco

3. Outdoorsy Fall B*tch

The summer has been brutal and all your sweet angel dog has been dreaming about has been to step foot outdoors without the scorching sun and boiling pavement. Finally, it’s crisp and cool out and they’re back to adventures into the wild with their favorite person. They can’t wait to get lost deep in the forest with you and let their sniffer go absolutely wild.


4. Sleepy Fall B*tch

While the fall may be less hot than the summer, that doesn’t mean this sleepy lady is ready to go out in the world and exert much energy. It’s now time for her to cozy up on the couch with the fluffiest blanket in the house and be a sleepy, snuggly, comfy “Fall B*tch.”

BUY HERE: $14.97 at Walmart

5. Harvesting Fall B*tch

Remember those toys that your sweet angel baby so kindly left in the yard? Perhaps they even planned ahead and buried them last year before the snow came? Well, it’s finally time for your dog to realize their true gardener abilities and go harvest their goods. They may bring treasures of all sorts: toys, sticks, rocks, and more…and you must praise their talents because they learned them from you. Congratulations for passing on your green goddess green thumb to your hard working dog.

BUY HERE: $12.49 at CVS

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Written by: Eliza Reinhardt

August 24, 2023

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