Disclaimer: This article was written by a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community.
June is right around the corner, and you know what that means— the gays get to do as they please, and nobody can say “boo” about it (not even my boss). So in the spirit of the season, let’s discuss what type of “gay” your dog is based on their favorite toy from our Pride collection. A portion of all proceeds from the Pride collection will go to our friends at Kaleidoscope Youth Center.
Do the vibrant, colorful tentacles of Ollie transfix your pup? If you answered yes, chances are your dog would also be dazzled by the glitz and glamor of the theater. Local retirement communities love them, Denny’s staff hate them— your dog is a musical theater gay. Perhaps the most polarizing of all of the options listed, musical theater gays make their presence known. While they may be loud, they are also some of the kindest people around! If you ever need a helping hand, or a ukulele, your resident musical theater gay has you covered.
“Pride March of the Penguins”
What is better than one gay penguin? Two gay penguins. If your dog prefers the stability of having a duplicate, they would definitely be one half of the most powerful duo your local PTA has ever seen. These gay overachievers are always doing some form of extracurricular activity, (volunteering at the local library, joining a running club, being PTA president) and they do it FLAWLESSLY. We envy and fear them, but when you need something done, these are the gays for the job.
So, you wanna know why your dog comes home covered in glitter and seemingly always has a lollipop stick in their pocket? The answer is simple: disco giddy. If disco giddy is your pup’s favorite toy, you have a rave gay on your hands. The stamina of these individuals is unmatched; they dance from dusk until dawn and then get brunch. As a very tired person, I am envious of their apparently endless supply of energy. Luckily, they mostly use that energy for good, and are always down to be a plus one on an adventure! These gays are down for anything, though you may have to tell them to leave the lollipops at home.
Lastly, we have doc barkens. This boot doesn’t have the eye-popping qualities that some of the other toys have, but boy, it’s a dependable toy. Dogs that favor the sturdiness of this toy, would most likely be a perpetually committed gay. We all know the type, they are always in a relationship and when that relationship dissolves, they find a new partner like the next day. They are always ride or die, and choose to see the best in people. While you may not agree with the way that they date, perpetually committed gays are always loyal to their friends (many of whom are previous exes).
All joking aside, we want to wish everyone a very happy Pride. You are perfect just the way you are, and we are so happy that you are here.