Even though I’m completely obsessed with my adorable dog, she often makes me look like a total dingus. She may be cute, but this little 13-pound Pomeranian gets us into a ton of awkward situations.
Here are just a few painful moments that dogs like to put their owners in. We think you’ll relate.
1.They poop in the worst places….
One time, my dog decided the middle of a busy crosswalk in New York City was the perfect place to poop. Even though we’d just covered 10 minutes of perfectly good sidewalk. As the crosswalk clock ticked down and the blinking hand warned us of impending doom, my dog slowly, smugly pooped. When the light changed, all of the other cars waited patiently for her to finish.
No, I’m kidding. They honked incessantly while my face turned the exact color of the red stoplight I was staring at.
2. …And at the worst times.
Remember that time you were making flirty eyes at the cute guy walking his Bulldog? And you thought he was making flirty eyes back at you? And then your dog decided to take a dump right then and there?
There’s nothing better than picking up your dog’s poop in front of a potential suitor. Sigh.
3. They hump things in full view of everyone else in the room.
This is one of those things that proves how truly shameless a dog can be. In the middle of a family party, your dog mounts that lamb stuffed animal and goes to town. Grandma gasps in horror, your little cousin asks what the dog is doing, and you trudge off to rescue Lamb Chop.
4. They leave unspeakable smells on your nicest clothes.
Unfortunately, this is yet another that I have personal experience with. Every morning, I enjoy a quick cuddle with my pup before heading to work. One morning, my dog decided our snuggle sesh was the perfect time to silently release her anal glands. When I arrived at work, I noticed that something on my skirt just did not smell right. I immediately knew what had happened — and fled the office in search of a new skirt/identity.
Not cool, dog. Not cool at all.
5. They make sure to ruin at least one thing the very first time a new friend comes over.
For some dogs, it’s shoes. For others, it’s gloves. My dog loves to go into guests’ purses and pull out any form of tissue she can find in there — and then rip them to shreds.
I guess it could be worse. At least she doesn’t have a thing for iPhones.
6. They lick their lady bits and boy parts whenever they want.
This one needs no explanation. Boy, girl, Pomeranian, Pit Bull — it doesn’t matter. Every single dog has decided to “clean” themselves at the exact wrong moment. Urgh.
7. They poop twice when you only have one bag left.
We’ve all been there. Your dog poops at the beginning of the walk and you silently repeat, “Please don’t poop again, please don’t poop again”right up until the moment they…squat down for their second Number 2.
Added bonus? The neighbors witness the whole thing, and then watch in horror as you try to shape an old receipt from your pocket into a crude poop pick-up tool.
8. They innocently do something that terrifies a small child in the park.
I’ve seen this happen time and time again. Small person walks up to dog. Parents coo. Child laughs at weird animal. Dog licks child’s face. Screaming ensues. End of adorable-ness, beginning of ruthless apologies.
9. They destroy something of your roommate’s and you have to face the consequences.
Ah, the sweet sound of the cash register as you purchase yet another pair of underwear for your roommate because your dog has chewed straight through her entire collection.
10. They steal the other dog’s ball in the park.
And then run away with it like a dingus, even as you yell at her to “BE A GOOD GIRL AND SHARE HEY GET BACK HERE YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!”
11. They bark loudly when you’re on the phone with someone.
Typically, your dog will wait until you’ve made all the non-important, casual phone calls before making a real scene when you’re talking to someone important, like your doctor or your boss.
12. They make you look like a total pushover.
Which, let’s be honest, we totally are. I mean, how can you say no to their cute little fur face?
No matter how many weird situations our dogs get us into, it could always be worse. You could not have a dog.
