You know that your dog basically owns you, right?
Rule #1 Wake up in an orderly fashion every day to fill my empty bowl. I will serve as your alarm clock and reminder if you fail to do so.
Rule #2 Bathroom time is together time.
Rule #3 You must give me a nibble of every piece of food you eat…unless it’s a vegetable. You can keep those.
Rule #4 Don’t come home smelling of other dogs. I will be checking your collar for slobber stains.
Rule #5 Let me inside or outside at my request, no matter how many times I’ve asked already. I would do the same for you if I had opposable thumbs and you didn’t, okay?
Rule #6 I can sleep anywhere I please, whether it be my bed, your bed, or in your clean basket of laundry.
Rule #7 Please appreciate when I alert you of noises I hear outside. I’ve saved your life hundreds of times already.
Rule #8 If it lands on the floor, it’s mine. No five-second rule. And to be honest, the five-second rule is kind of gross, don’t you think?
Rule #9 Take me on one visit per day to see the magical creature called Squirrel and his buddy, Raccoon.
Rule #10 Cuddle with me at least four times a day. While doing it you must tell me how cute and soft I am.
Rule #11 I get shotgun every time, regardless of whether I remember to call it or not.
Rule #12 Leave one pair of stinky shoes out per day for me to chew on. Stinky socks and underwear will do, too.
Rule #13 Do not dress me as you please. I prefer to be naked. Unlike you humans, I’m actually proud of my body.
Rule #14 Banish the ridiculous plastic headpiece that you sometimes make me wear.
Rule #15. And water torture is ILLEGAL. Is this not America??
Rule #16 I may use whatever furniture I please, even if you’re already sitting on it.
Rule #17 We shall never be apart, and I will always be by your side.
Featured image via @campandyc
