Okay, so you didn’t carry your new puppy inside of your body for 9 months. (Um, if you did, please email us your story so we can do an extensive profile on your experience.) The puppy probably hasn’t shifted your hormones in an intense way. So, is it possible to feel something akin to postpawtum depression? Here are some feelings, thoughts, and conditions you may experience.
(This is intended to be tongue-in-cheek. Depression is a serious illness. Please seek treatment if you are having symptoms.)
1. Loss.
“My life will never be my own again.”
2. Isolation.
“I can’t ever leave the house.”
3. Worry.
“I’m going to have to clean up poop. Forever.”
4. The Inevitable.
“Oh my dog. I know I just got this thing, but life is short and I can NOT handle this reality.”
5. Terminal Uniqueness.
“No one knows how I feel. I am clearly the only person to ever feel this way.”
6. Abject Financial Terror.
“How am I ever going to afford all of this?”
7. Sleep Deprivation.
Whining. All. Night.
8. Over-Protectiveness.
“DONT TOUCH MY PUPPY.”
9. Irritability.
“I KNOW HE’S CUTE. GO AWAY.”
10. Mood Swings.
“You are so cute! You ate my motherpuppin shoes!?”
11. Decreased Sexual Desire.
“We can’t, the puppy’s watching!”
12. Feelings of Inadequacy.
“I’m the worst dog parent ever.” (We promise, you’re doing a great job!)
13. Decreased Concentration.
“So. Cute. Cannot work. Cannot pay attention to human conversations.”
